


Let This Whole Town Hear Your Knuckles Crack

by CharlieBradbury



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, F/F, F/M, Found Family, M/M, Multi, basically fluff, dnd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieBradbury/pseuds/CharlieBradbury
Summary: Found families have to be found. Villains aren't villains until they act, well, villainous. Heroes aren't heroes until...you get the point.Roll the dice. Sleep with a friend. Make mistakes, but cut no corners. Sing with the sun when it rises.(This is actually an extremely self-indulgent non-powered au about how dnd brings all these people together to fight the bad guys.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This au is envisioned as a sort of urban fantasy where the different races still exist (elf, human, orc, etc) and magic exists but so do iPhones?? Its real loose dont ask questions. Except do bc im an author and if you make me think harder about this world thats great for me.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Aw, c’mon big guy, how bad can it be?” Merle cajoles loudly, trying to make Magnus take his jacket.

Magnus looks up from the couch with a frown that tries really hard to not look like a frown. “I dunno, man. I don't know anything about dungeons or dragons. Won't I be a bummer?”

Merle throws the jacket at his roommate and grabs his own off another hook. “I've got even less of a clue how to play this shit. I'm sure it's completely different from the version I played in uh, y'know when I played.”

Magnus sighs and pulls the hoodie on, wincing just a little. Merle chunks his boots at him from the doorway, so Magnus takes a breath to steel himself and bends down. His ribs light up with pain and his shin feels like it'll crack. But he pulls the boot on and manages to loosely tie the laces and that'll have to do. When he sits back up his jaw is clenched tight, and Merle’s watching him carefully. He lets his breath out slowly and grins. “Well, you're already a step ahead of me. Let's go.”

The dwarf's brow creases, like he lost track of the conversation at some point. But he blinks his confusion away and smiles. He hands Magnus his crutches and they leave the apartment. Thankfully, it's ground level so Magnus doesn't have to maneuver his broken leg down any stairs.

“It's five blocks away. Think you can hobble that far?” Merle asks, half-joking.

“Yeah, you don't have to fire up the ol’ Mystery Machine.” Merls pats his ancient VW bus as they walk past it. Magnus isn't completely sure if he will be okay, but he doesn't want to waste gas money. So they hoof it.  
\----  
“Taako. I think that's enough Doritos.”

“Oh, c’mon Barold. It's tradition!” Taako argues, popping another bag and dumping it into a plastic Candlenights decorated bowl. “If you're dragging both me and Lup into this nerd orgy I refuse to experience anything that isn't one hundo percent authentic DnD culture.”

Barry bites back a sigh before reminding him, “Carey and Killian are bringing dinner.”

“What are they bringing?” Taako asks, eyebrows raised expectantly, as he shakes the plastic bag loudly.

“...Taco Bell,” Barry answers. Taako laughs uproariously as Barry turns and taps at his phone with more force than is strictly necessary. Lup comes out of the tiny kitchen, and immediately knows Taako just embarrassed her adorably-easy-to-embarrass boyfriend. She leans forward and snatches the phone from his hand deftly. He flails for it but she holds it over her head. Having a few inches over him is extremely handy at moments like this.

“No sub-tweeting ‘til after the campaign. Trust me, you’ll love these assholes. My brother included.”

Taako puts his hands on his hips and looks at the floor thoughtfully. “Should we just soak the carpet with Mountain Dew so we can suckle at our leisure?”

Barry sighs, loud and frustrated. Lup tries to scold Taako but the mental image conjured by his suggestion sends her into hysterics. “Oh my God, why did you bother to put the Doritos in bowls? Just pile them in the middle of the table so we can graze! Ahaha, oh fuck!”

Their combined ridiculousness nearly drowns out the sound of the doorbell, but Barrry is so glad to hear it. Until he opens the door. Carey greets him with a loud roar, wearing a bed sheet printed with ducks around her scaly shoulders as a cloak. She has no fewer than six belts strapped around her torso, butter knives duck taped to them. Killian roughly shoves her roommate inside. “Get in there before anyone sees you. I'm so sorry, I couldn't talk her out of it.” Carey runs into the house, still bellowing about blood and vinegar and holding the paper tray of drinks high over her horned head.

“Oh Gods, wait until Taako sees her,” Barry mutters, rubbing his face and setting his glasses askew.

Killian whistles in amazement. "Lup’s mysterious brother is making an appearance? Dang, I gotta see this. C’mon, Barry it won't be that bad.”

He takes a couple of the bags of food from her and continues grumbling all the way back to the dining table, frowning down at the four large Baja Blasts. He starts worrying that maybe they are just a bunch of stereotypical nerds. Maybe-

“No one said anything about dressing up!” Taako says, staring at Carey as she bounds up to crouch on the back of an armchair. "Ooh, hang on, give me five.” He grabs a few empty Doritos bags and gallops off for Lup and Barry's room. Killian neatly swerves to keep from being run over by the excited elf.

“Yeah, that was awful,” she chuckles. She and Barry deposit the food on the counter. “Oh, is your neighbor coming?”

“Julia had to get some extra hours at work, she said she might swing by later. Lup apparently invited this guy she met at the farmer's market.” There's an insistent knock at the door.

Of course Barry feels trepidation, opening the door to a perfect stranger. Of course he peeks through the peephole to get a look before letting this guy into his home. Lup's announcement that she'd invited some rando she'd met getting groceries had shocked him. She-and Taako too-were so cautious about letting new people near them, this whole thing had his nerves on edge. Along with Taako’s presence tonight, he was pretty jumpy.

So when he peeps through and sees a huge human leaning close to the other side of the peephole, murder in his eyes, he can't be blamed for jumping back a few feet. He collects himself quickly and opens the door. He doesn't want to be the kind of asshole to judge based on first impressions.

The guy nearly falls into the house without the door holding him up. A dwarf holds his thigh trying to support his large companion, but failing mostly. Barry reacts instantly, helping them both inside. “Uh, you must be Merle,” he says awkwardly.

The human grunts, and the dwarf says, “Thats me. This is Magnus, aka the idiot who thought walking five blocks on a broken leg was a good idea. You Barry?”

“Yep, here the couch is over here.” They plop him down on the ancient couch. “I’ll get you some water. Take it easy, man.”

Magnus just scowls, muttering something about the hill up to this neighborhood coming out of nowhere. How great is this? Hanging out with new people and he's sitting here red faced and rendered stupid by the pain in his leg.

A beautiful elf peeks her head into the living room, and Magnus tries to smile. “Hey superhero, you good?”

Magnus laughs. “I will be. Just got my ass kicked by a 20 degree incline.”

“You guys didn't drive? Damn Merle, don't you have, like healthcare experience? Why'd you let him walk all this way?”

"You clearly never tried to tell this beefy boy that he can't do something!" Merle scoffs.

"Magnus you aren't allowed to die before we become friends and get into all kinds of heinous crap together. Or after that either. Live forever and stop being dumb, is what I'm getting at." She comes over and pats his back encouragingly.

Barry comes back with water and a pill bottle. Before Magnus can wave off the medicine, Merle says, "It's just some Tylenol you giant baby. Take the edge off.”

Magnus bites his lip, but takes the proffered pills and water. “Thanks,” he says quietly.

Lup's bedroom door bursts open. Taako stands in the doorway, voguing as hard as he can. His thick torso is draped with a damask curtain, and atop his head three taped together Dorito bags form a huge floppy hat. He changes his pose, Dorito bag bracers wrinkling loudly. Lup and Carey break into applause, and Magnus breaks into laughter.

"Behold, mortals!" Taako cries, his hands shaking as he stares them all down. "Behold and tremble in fear of Taako the gay!"

"Are those my curtains?!" "it was Gandalf the _grey_ Taako, jeeze," Lup and Barry say at the same time.

"I know Barold, and yes Lup but look your curtain rod makes a dope staff." He pulls the rod from behind the door and twirls it.

"Oh, dibs!" she shouts. He tosses it to her and she catches it deftly.

"Okay," Barry says, standing and waving his arms out in greeting. "Let's all eat and we can work on our character sheets before we start the actual campaign." As the others let out a blood curdling scream Barry thanks whatever deities are listening for the yards of space between him and his neighbors.


	2. In Media Res

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Game is played, after party begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit sorry for taking forever. Thanks so much for all the comments, you guys are awesome. This chapter is short and rather uneventful but i wanted to put something out there until i get the rest sorted. Enjoy these nerds being nerds. Also im srsly thinking about dming the campaign that's brushed over here...

“Ok, so we're gonna skip the niceties, and jump right into the action,” Barry says, rubbing his hands together in excitement. “The six of you comprise a group paid by a mysterious benefactor to return a stolen item. You've never met this benefactor, you know nothing except that they send their dog to deliver messages.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Carrie laughs. “So literally we've all been approached by a literal dog with a scroll in its mouth and literally just agreed to do what the scroll said for some money?”

 

“Times are tough,” Barry says, with a satisfied chuckle. “Anyway, we begin in the middle. Everyone roll luck and add your modifier.” There's a clatter of dice, and a chorus of numbers called out. “Ok, Lup and Killian you guys are fine, but the rest of you take three points poison damage.” There's four pens scribbling as Barry continues. “The six of you were following the dog down a narrow path in the emerald forests of Jadenia. You're about two days out from civilisation, and the guys who took poison damage ran into some poisonous plants that won't have any long lasting effects but whoo boy, you're gonna be itchy for a while.”

 

“Now hold on,” Carey says, tapping her finger on her character sheet. “My dwarven ranger should have poison resistance and as a ranger she should have recognized your dumbass fantasy poison ivy.”

 

As Barry and Carey argue specifics, Taako leans in close to Magnus. “I didn't get a chance to properly introduce myself. Taako’s the name, and I can’t believe Barry the nerd king got my sister into this nerd game.”

 

“That rhymed!” Magnus laughs. “I’m Magnus. Lup invited me. She's pretty cool.”

 

“Of course she is, she's my twin she has to be.” Magnus laughs at this, then quiets as their attention is called to the game again.  
*  
“Taako how the hell did your minotaur rogue manage to sneak past three wide awake guards?”

 

“I put most of my stats in stealth, duh. Don’t need strength if no one can see you, homie.”  
*  
“By my blade, I swear to avenge you!”

 

“Damn, Magnus you’re a bard. How-”

 

“I SWEAR IT!”  
*  
“And the dog rolls...a...oh my god…” Barry cracks up in disbelief.

 

“I swear Barry if you kill this fuckin’ dog-” Lup begins, grabbing ahold of his sleeve.

 

Barry interrupts her by standing from the table, his hands clasped over his head, and shouting, “NAT 20!”

 

Everyone erupts into shocked cheers. The dog just beat the final boss, a chthulu-like beast of hell. “Ok ok, but how?” merle asks, incredulous.

 

“Yeah paint us a word picture,” Taako says.

 

“Ok, all right, y’all want some narration, ok.” Barry sits back down, shuffling some papers. “Ok, so this dog. This little beagle-looking mutt bounds out from behind you six. Merle from where your fighter is collapsed on the ground you can just barely see the demon turn at the movement. It laughs. But the dog doesn't slow. He keeps running, and gets to the cauldron that contains the sacrifices summoning this beast. He sniffs at the stalagmites and,” Barry pauses grinning maniacally. “He lifts his leg.

 

“Does it whiz the fire out?” Carey screeches.

 

“He whizzes the fire out. The spell is broken. The demon senses its powers draining and howls. It tries to lash out, cast one last spell but it’s too late. It dissipates, like so much smoke, and the six of you, the dog-hell the whole country is safe again."

 

They all crow victoriously. Carey and Killian share a huge hug, Lup pounds the table and Merle jumps up to do a happy jig. Taako slings an arm around Magnus's shoulder, squeezing the corded muscle there. Magnus can feel beneath the jubilation ringing through him a hum of arousal. Taako is bright and funny and moves with a fluid grace that Magnus finds hard not to watch.

 

It's not even midnight, he realizes as they all sit back and some check their phones. Taako snaps a few selfies with Lup and Carey, Merle shuffles off to the bathroom. Barry collects his papers with a satisfied smile and takes them to the bedroom. Killian thumps down into Merle's vacated seat and eyes Magnus up.

 

“Can I help you?” he asks, a bit uncertain.

 

Killian smirks. “You should come over to mine and Carey’s place. Barry and Lup have godawful early jobs so we usually hang at ours after DnD. You and Merle are cool, you should come hang for a bit. Taako too.”

 

“Mine ears are burning,” Taako sings, leaning back against Magnus’s side.

 

“Come hang with me and Carey. Magnus and Merle can come too. Our other roomie Noelle should be home too.” He hums indecisively. “We got some wine and whiskey if either of those interest you.”

 

“Mmmm, oh you know they do madame beefcake. I'm in,” Taako says, draping himself over magnus. “Only if the big guy's coming.”

 

Originally, Magnus intended to decline, but Taako’s body is warm where he presses into his arm. Killian grins at him in a way that promises fun and comradery, the likes of which he hasn't experienced lately. “I mean, unless Merle has-”

 

“Hey Merle, party at my place?” Killian calls out. There's a muffled assent from the bathroom. “Yeah, he seemed the type.”

 

Barry offers to keep any character sheets that anyone thinks they’ll lose before the next session. Lup gives Taako a hurried whisper in his ear. He lets out a howl of laughter before shoving her away. Magnus sees all this as Merle brings him his crutches. 

 

Killian lives right across the road, so Magnus only has to hobble for a few minutes. The others match his speed, laughing and ribbing each other. The light is on and the door is open. Inside there are plush couches and armchairs filling the living room, large enough for an orc’s frame. Magnus collapses in a burgundy armchair, tugging his shoes off respectfully. The others charge straight for the kitchen, but Carey comes back out quickly, two glasses in hand.

 

She perches on the back of Magnus’s chair. “Didn't know which poison you liked so I grabbed one of both.” She holds the glasses out.

 

Magnus wavers towards the wine, but true nature wins out. He takes the whiskey amd Carey doesn't react, except to clink their glasses and sip the wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo i was editing this and dedcided i needed to change some things so this is short and uneventful but hoo boy things are gonna happen next chapter. Keep up with me on twitter @nikilemonade

**Author's Note:**

> This is ambitious as fuck and hopefully posting it will encourage me to finish this. It kept me sane during the dredges of my day job. There will be peril. There will be romance! There will be smooching! But any porn will be in a separate story. If you have any critiques shoot them my way. Next chap up when i have time, no promises my friend! Comments will expedite this of course wink wonk


End file.
